The Physical Impact of Neglecting Your Boundaries

Some people have no issue maintaining their boundaries. They’re decisive, assertive, and have no problem using “no” as a complete sentence. For many others, however, personal boundaries are a complex issue.

If you have struggled to speak your mind, share your point of view, stand up for yourself in conflict, or if you constantly put others’ needs ahead of your own, you have probably found ways of coping with life up until now. On the outside, you’re probably doing a great job of getting by, and others might appreciate your selflessness and dedication, even if they don’t say so. In the long term, however, your body will begin to feel the impact of your actions.

There are strong links between your physical, emotional, and mental health. Consistently putting yourself last will begin to affect everything from your sleep patterns to your breathing rhythms. There is no shame in anything you have done, or in this case, not done. Every day is an opportunity to grow and change. This is the crucial point: it is essential you do, not only for your emotional growth, but for your physical health.

The Personal Disconnect

Although it might sound strange, people are often completely oblivious to the things happening inside themselves. They might be coping with issues like burnout, levels of stress, anxiety, and even PTSD without even realizing it. One of the first effects of neglecting your boundaries is experiencing a disconnect from yourself, and especially from your body.

You might have learned to adapt to having poor sleeping patterns and constant headaches. Physical exhaustion might even feel like your default setting at this point. On one hand, you have done so well to make it this far, but on the other hand, things could be so much healthier and better for you.

Boundary work is a complicated thing because it touches on private and personal areas of our psyche that many people would rather not examine. Overall, neglecting personal boundaries simply means that you have neglected yourself, and that can be a hard pill to swallow. You might not realize the toll it has taken on your life, but you can always consider the toll it might be taking on your body. This can have a physical impact in multiple ways.

You find yourself exhausted after social interactions to the point that you begin avoiding them

You might just be an introvert in need of a lot of alone time, but you also might have issues with your boundaries. If you can’t easily decline invites or if you find yourself constantly swept along to events you’d rather not attend, you will begin to feel the physical effects.

You have started to avoid your loved ones at some point, making excuses that you feel awful about. You’re not a bad friend, and you’re not a bad person. Your social batteries are permanently low because you need to learn to say no.

Sudden sounds and movements make you flinch

It is not normal or healthy to feel nervous and on edge all the time. This is called hypervigilance, and it is a symptom of a central nervous system that is on high alert. When you don’t permit your body to rest, unwind, and be in a safe place where there is no threat, it automatically goes into protection mode.

In this way, your nervous system is like a soldier on the frontlines of battle, finger on the trigger and eyes constantly searching for a threat. Being in a constant state of hypervigilance is a strain not just on your physical resources, but your mental, emotional, and spiritual ones, too.

You’re losing sleep

Renewal and rest happen at a cellular level in sleep, and your body carries out several complex functions while you’re unconscious in dreams. Getting more than six hours of uninterrupted sleep each night is like clearing the slate for your body.

When you are in functional freeze, experiencing PTSD, burnout, or any number of issues stemming from being overworked, you’re likely not sleeping well. Unfortunately, there is a cyclical effect from sleep loss, and you will find that you’re tired because of sleep debt, and you have sleep debt because you’re tired.

Your body is constantly tense

Right now, you might be reading this with hunched shoulders, a clenched jaw, all while holding your breath. If these postures have become normal to you, you need to physically feel what it is like to be relaxed. Letting your boundaries down often coincides with raising your guard and shoulders.

Doctors can’t explain your ailments

People who have poor personal boundaries tend to experience a range of physical and sometimes chronic physical ailments. Whether it’s issues with your teeth because you grind them in your sleep, constant migraines and nose bleeds, and even high blood pressure, doctors won’t always be able to pinpoint the source of the issue. In reality, the fix might be that you have to speak up for yourself, confront certain people, and make some firm decisions in your life.

You don’t know what you’re feeling or what the feelings are related to

You might be on the verge of constant tears, even though nothing sad has triggered you, or you might feel uncharacteristically numb all the time. People who neglect their boundaries are frequently emotionally dysregulated. They are often full to the brim with all of the anger, pain, betrayal, and frustration that they swallow down and don’t express.

When you repress your emotions, they don’t disappear; they remain in you until you physically cannot contain them anymore. As the saying goes, better out than in, even when you don’t know how to let them out.

Life feels either too intense or just blank, but never enjoyable

Take a minute and ask yourself, “When was the last time I truly felt happy?” Not the kind of happiness that fades after a moment, but that deep, peaceful, contented kind of happiness. You have likely been pouring yourself out for the sake of others every day, while never getting what you need, desire, prefer, or deserve.

You might feel that it’s selfish to have boundaries, but ask yourself if you’re willing to pay the ultimate price of being constantly empty, just to ensure everyone else’s happiness but never your own. You can’t pour out of an empty jug, and surviving on scraps is a sure way to feel victimized, resentful, and physically affected in the long run.

Brick By Brick

Boundary walls are not for isolating yourself behind and keeping everyone else out. Imagine you have been given a beautiful garden with all of your favorite plants, trees, and wildlife, and spaces for resting, reading, and enjoying. You wouldn’t be mean for wanting to protect that, and you’d likely be selective with who you allowed into that beautiful space.

Putting a protective barrier around this space would be the most sensible thing to do, if you wanted to properly steward and protect your space. It is the same with personal boundaries. You have precious, unique resources that many people will benefit from, including yourself.

These resources include your personality and abilities, your preferences, your time, your natural tendencies, as well as your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health. Others are privileged to hear and share these things with you, and they are not automatically entitled to any of them. It takes time to construct your boundaries, and it might happen brick by brick, one habit at a time. This work is worth it because you have something worth protecting.

Don’t do it alone

You might know that you have issues with boundaries, and you might want to improve in this area of your life. Perhaps your physical health relies on you confronting these things. If you don’t know where to start or what to do, consider meeting with a counsellor to talk about these things. This could be your first step to building better personal boundaries. Contact us if you are ready to take that step.