Frequently Asked Questions About Attachment and Attachment-Based Therapy

An attachment is a close emotional bond between two people. The earliest one, and the one that determines how well you can relate to others later in life, is the emotional bond formed during infancy between you and the parent or primary caregiver. This is the person you were dependent on to meet your most basic needs for comfort, security, and survival.

The nature and quality of that first bond shapes your emotional and social development, self-esteem, capacity for trust, intimacy, and emotional regulation. It also becomes a blueprint that determines your expectations and how you connect with others as an adult.

What is attachment-based therapy?

Attachment-based therapy (ABT) is an evidence-based, trauma-informed form of counseling that helps you overcome dysfunctional perceptions and behaviors that stem from early childhood experiences. It is based on attachment theory’s supposition that the experiences you have as you try to bond with your primary caregiver as an infant influence your ability to form and maintain healthy relationships in adulthood, as well as the way you connect with others.

The goal of attachment-based therapy is to help you develop a more secure attachment style and healthier patterns of connecting with others. This happens by exploring and understanding how your early attachment issues are affecting your ability to bond in healthy ways, guide you through the process of healing unresolved emotional wounds, rebuild your ability to trust in others, and learn how to regulate your emotions effectively. The goal is to empower you to form secure, mutually fulfilling relationships going forward.

What is the origin of attachment theory?

Attachment theory was originally developed by British psychoanalyst John Bowlby in the 1950s from his work with infants and was expanded on throughout the 1960s and 1970s by Mary Ainsworth, a developmental psychologist.

They found, through their research, that the quality of an infant’s bond with his or her primary caregiver shaped the way he or she handled emotions and formed connections later on. A secure, stable attachment during this vulnerable stage of life is not only crucial to the baby’s survival, but also to his or her ability to develop emotionally in a healthy way.

Infants who do not consistently receive the support, care, and reassurance they need when they are distressed tend to develop feelings of distrust and insecurity that persist into adulthood and lead to an insecure attachment style and an inability to form meaningful bonds.

What is an attachment style?

An attachment style refers to your personality and behavioral traits, the way you connect with others, and how you handle intimacy, trust, and emotional closeness as an adult. It is formed in early childhood as a result of the type of bond you have with your mother or primary caregiver and how he or she responds to you when you are feeling distressed.

Psychologists today typically recognize four attachment styles: secure, ambivalent, avoidant, or disorganized. Most people will fit into one of these four categories that will characterize the way they relate to others most of the time

Secure Attachment Style Key characteristics of a secure attachment style include having good self-esteem, a sense of purpose, being able to trust others and share your needs and feelings openly and honestly and being comfortable with emotional intimacy and independence.

People with this style typically had a secure bond with their caregiver, who was consistently available, nurturing, supportive, and responsive to their needs, and enabled them to feel safe and secure about having someone continually looking out for them.

Ambivalent Attachment Style Also known as an anxious attachment, an ambivalent attachment style is an insecure attachment style in which you crave closeness and reassurance that you are loved but are reluctant to be loved but close to anyone because you have a fear of being abandoned and worry constantly about perceived threats to your relationship.

This style typically develops from inconsistent, unreliable caregiving, where your caregiver was sometimes responsive and sometimes not, leaving you feeling anxious and unsure of what to expect.

Avoidant Attachment Style Key characteristics of an avoidant attachment style include problems with intimacy and an unwillingness or inability to share your thoughts or feelings with others. You tend to prefer being independent and relying on yourself and may seem emotionally distant and dismissive to others.

This style is typically the result of being consistently rejected, deprived of emotional support, or having your needs frequently dismissed by your caregiver during early childhood, causing you to suppress your emotions to avoid the anticipated rejection.

Disorganized Attachment Style Key characteristics of a disorganized attachment style include a confusing mix of avoidant and ambivalent behaviors. You feel a strong need for close connections but have trouble trusting others. You are afraid of intimacy, which causes you to fluctuate between being clingy and pushing people away.

This style is typically the result of a frightening, confusing, distressing attachment experience in which the caregiver was sometimes a source of comfort and sometimes a source of fear due to unpredictable, neglectful, or abusive behavior.

Can attachment styles formed in early childhood be changed?

Yes, attachment styles and the way you connect with others can be changed. With the help of a licensed mental health professional experienced in attachment-based therapy, you can unpack and address the issues that have led to your current insecure attachment style, learn how to trust others, interact with them in healthy ways, and form and maintain positive, mutually satisfying relationships.

How does attachment-based therapy work?

Attachment-based therapy provides a safe space for exploration and recovery. This process allows you to learn, understand, and process the effects of early childhood experiences. These can include neglect, loss, abuse, or inconsistency, and the role they have in the development of your current attachment style and relationship issues. You can then use this knowledge to build more secure relationships in the present.

Because an attachment style is first formed in a relationship, it must also be re-formed in one. Positive change is brought about by creating a secure, trusting relationship with your therapist. This then forms a prototype through which you can practice new ways of relating and interacting with others and become equipped with the necessary skills to break free of the cycle of insecure attachment.

As your trust builds in the therapeutic dynamic, so does your ability to heal and rewrite your story in a way that your past no longer defines your future.

What are the benefits of attachment-based therapy?

Increased self-awareness and resilience Attachment-based therapy helps you understand the connection between your early childhood experiences of trying to bond with your primary caregiver and your current relationship patterns and struggles. This paves the way for increased self-awareness and resilience, making it easier for you to recognize what you are feeling and respond with clarity instead of being overwhelmed.

Healing from past trauma and relational wounds Attachment-based therapy helps you heal from past trauma. This is done by guiding you through the process of identifying and processing relational wounds formed during your early childhood attempts to bond with your primary caregiver that are shaping the way you connect with others today.

Reduced symptoms of anxiety and depression Attachment-based therapy helps you recognize the true source of your current distressing emotions. It brings things back into balance, which has been shown to reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression.

Improved emotional regulation Attachment-based therapy helps you develop a sense of security and stability that enhances your ability to manage and regulate your emotions and express them in healthy ways.

Greater self-esteem Attachment-based therapy helps build your confidence and self-worth, reshape your perception of yourself, and treat yourself with greater care and compassion, as it makes you aware that dysfunctional patterns of behavior are not flaws, but rather, adaptations learned to protect yourself.

Greater independence and genuineness Attachment-based therapy helps ground you and enables you to feel greater inner security. This allows you to be more genuine by showing you how to set healthy boundaries without feeling guilty, speak up without fear, and connect with others without losing yourself in the relationship.

Healthier, more fulfilling relationships Attachment-based therapy helps you form and maintain healthier, more fulfilling relationships with others. It makes you aware of dysfunctional emotional patterns and equips you with the skills you need to overcome them.

Enhanced communication skills Attachment-based therapy helps increase your ability to handle conflict and emotional challenges more effectively. You can improve your communication skills and learn how to express your needs in healthier ways.

Have questions? Want to set up a risk-free appointment to meet with one of the faith-based counselors in our online directory? Please give us a call today.