Being Single: Coping with the Struggles and Counting the Blessings

In many ways, the world is geared toward couples. Most housing options are priced with couples or families in mind. Tax benefits and insurance plans also assume shared risk and benefit. Even restaurants with “Two-for-one” specials are winking at the fact that their target audience is part of a we instead of a little ole me.

Society’s couple-centric viewpoints are never more obvious than around holidays when advertisers take advantage of their audience’s obsession with romantic love. “Give her the gift of diamonds!” one jewelry retailer demands, while another offers hints of expensive gifts to satisfy the man in your life who is hard to buy for.

And here you are, sitting alone in your expensive apartment, priced for those with two incomes, eating both hamburgers because you clearly couldn’t pass up the two-for-one deal. You’re trying not to feel lonely or unwanted as ads about love take over your screen.

The struggle is real

Chances are, you’re tired of being single. While there are benefits of being single, which will not be mentioned right now because you’re probably tired of hearing those too, being single can sometimes really stink!

Being single means being left out. Those who are part of a couple tend to take for granted the benefits of their romantic union.

They don’t have to wonder who to invite when they are looking for a plus one. They don’t have to feel fully responsible to check if the door is locked at night or if the dog has been fed. And they don’t have to wonder if they will have someone to celebrate a holiday with, because they have a built-in bestie.

Those who are single don’t have these perks. Single people have to think about all those things as they plan and handle little life tasks and moments, all on their own.

Living single brings up feelings

Being single can also mean feeling unwanted. While there is no shame in being single, many people who are single shy away from talking about it. They think being alone is a reflection of their worth. They’re afraid that divulging their relationship status will somehow devalue them in the eyes of others.

Sometimes, they feel like their singleness is a reflection of their looks, their personality, or some other implied flaw. They might be quick to add that they are single by choice or that this is a new status as a means to justify it to the new people they meet. And this self-consciousness often begs single people to wonder what it is about them that doesn’t quite have the appeal or the draw of those friends with mates.

Being single often means facing your faults, emotions, and problems head-on without the guidance and support of a partner. When you don’t have anyone to unpack your thoughts with, small worries can grow into full-fledged anxiety. If you don’t have anyone to counterbalance your worries with a new perspective, they can take on a life of their own.

Hello, intrusive thoughts

Every weird thing about you, from the cowlick in your hair to the slight lisp when you talk, can morph in your mind from a beautifully quirky anomaly to the specific reason you’re single. Even things you used to appreciate about yourself, like the way you snort when you laugh, can suddenly become a source of shame when looked at through the lens of singleness.

The smallest imperfection can create doubt when you’ve been single for a long time. You start analyzing those things that make you uniquely you and no longer celebrate those qualities, but wonder if these are the reasons why you are single. But what if there could be something more?

Singleness is also a blessing

You’ve heard this a million times before, right? “Being single is a blessing!” Blah, blah, blah. It feels like a slap in the face when you’re struggling with being alone. As much as it can feel irritating, you’re about to hear it one more time. Yes, being single has its obstacles, but it also has its benefits.

Benefits of Being Single

Singleness Offers Freedom: If you’re single, you probably aren’t even aware of the blessing that this freedom is in your life. When you’re not tied to anyone, freedom becomes your closest companion. so close that you might not even appreciate its beauty.

You get to decide how to spend your money and your time. You get to dictate your own schedule and eat dinner at midnight if you so please. You can travel on a whim or rearrange your living space at 3 AM if you want to. And you can binge-watch your favorite show without judgment.

Singleness Offers Time: Being single also affords you the space to invest in friendships, hobbies, and passions that might be sidelined if you had a mate. You can cultivate a career if you want. No need to ask a partner’s opinion. You can volunteer at places that matter to you and learn new skills without balancing someone else’s schedule.

In this process of allocating your time and resources to things that matter most to you, you become your own authentic, uninfluenced person.

Singleness Offers Friendship: You get to know yourself. You have the time and opportunity to explore what truly makes you happy and what (and who) brings you stress. You can trim relationships that no longer serve you, which is more complicated if you’re in a relationship (especially if one who doesn’t serve you is your mother-in-law). You learn to be independent and how to solve your own problems. Through this, you become a friend to yourself.

The Bible agrees

These practical benefits aren’t just meant to make you feel better about your single life. Scripture reminds us that being single is not a flaw or a disease that must be cured. It’s also not a waiting room where you stay until the right person comes around. It’s a place where God has specifically put you at this time in your life.

In 1 Corinthians, Paul talks about the gift of singleness. “An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs, how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world, how he can please his wife.” (1 Corinthians 7:32, NIV) Paul reminds readers that being single is preferable to being married in many cases.

Being single allows you to devote yourself fully to God, to His service and the service of others. It frees you up to live with a purpose without distraction. If you’re single, you’re not tied down to someone else’s religious beliefs or church preference. Your freedom allows you to invest in your spiritual growth. And it allows you the opportunity to help others in theirs.

Therapy can help

Knowing that singleness is a blessing and feeling it can be two entirely different things. If you’re single and struggling to see the silver lining of your single life, it might be time for you to meet with a Christian therapist.

Sometimes loneliness and societal pressure can make you feel self-conscious about your singleness and make you doubt your own worth. Talking with a therapist can help you navigate your feelings and find the blessings in your life. Your therapist can also give you practical tools to help you live your single life to the fullest.

No More Holding Pattern

Don’t think of your single life as a holding pattern for something better. You’re in the place that God placed you here and now, and your life is worth living. Yes, being single has its own set of struggles, but so does everything. That’s part of living.

If you want help acknowledging the goodness and blessings that God has given you, connect with a therapist. They can offer support, encouragement, and a new perspective on being single.