Abandonment Anxiety: What It Is and How to Overcome It

Abandonment anxiety is an informal term used to describe a strong fear of losing a loved one or being rejected or deserted by the people you care about. It is not a medical diagnosis.

Signs Of Abandonment Anxiety

Abandonment anxiety can manifest in many different ways. These signs can vary in intensity and frequency. Some possibilities include:

• fear of intimacy and getting close to people
• feeling insecure in your relationships
• finding it hard to trust others
• needing frequent reassurance that you are liked or loved
• hypersensitivity to criticism or perceived rejection
• persistent fear that your friends or partners will abandon or reject you
• overanalyzing everything and constantly looking for signs that the significant others in your life do not really like you
• seeing problems where none exist
• difficulty expressing your needs for fear that it will drive others away
• lack of boundaries
• giving too much, and always trying to please others, even at your own expense
• being clingy or manipulative, or pushing others away to avoid having them leave you first
• low self-esteem
• feelings of unworthiness
• staying in an unhealthy relationship because you are afraid of being alone

Causes Of Abandonment Anxiety

Abandonment anxiety can result from several factors, such as early childhood trauma, or being neglected, rejected, or left alone for extended periods of time by your primary caregiver. It can also be triggered in later life by experiences such as an unexpected breakup, being betrayed by someone you trust, the death of a loved one, an anxious attachment style, or a mental health condition such as borderline personality disorder.

Impact of Abandonment Anxiety

Abandonment anxiety can have a negative impact on your self-esteem, emotional stability, and sense of self-worth; be a source of significant stress; cause you to feel disconnected from others; and make it difficult for you to form and maintain meaningful relationships.

Some people react to abandonment anxiety by being clingy and in constant need of reassurance of their partner’s love and commitment. This can have a smothering effect, strain the relationship, and become a self-fulfilling prophecy, causing the rejection they fear. Others may do just the opposite. They may behave in self-sabotaging ways that push people away before they have a chance to get close and wind up hurting you.

Coping with Abandonment Anxiety

Acknowledge your feelings Pay attention to your thoughts and feelings. Acknowledge them without judging them and reflect on how accurate or rational they are by asking yourself if they can be substantiated.

Learn the difference between feelings and facts Learn how to discern the difference between feelings and facts, and challenge your anxious thoughts and limiting beliefs instead of expecting the worst and reading meaning into things that aren’t there.

Treat yourself kindly Treat yourself kindly and with compassion, and replace negative thoughts that devalue your self-worth with more positive, realistic ones. Focus on how much God loves you. Regularly remind yourself that your sense of self-worth is based on your identity as His beloved child rather than on the affirmation or rejection of others.

Prioritize self-care Prioritize self-care and taking care of your basic needs instead of hyper-focusing on those of everyone else while neglecting your own.

Journal Journaling has many benefits. It can help you express your feelings, see them from a more objective perspective, and identify patterns of behavior. You can then better understand what triggers them. Including positive things, such as small victories in journaling, can help increase your self-esteem and reinforce your sense of self-worth.

Practice gratitude Practice looking for things you can be thankful for and journal about them as well. Doing this regularly can help shift your focus from negative “what ifs” to the positive things in your life. This can reduce your anxiety by training your brain to recognize the good.

Learn to ground yourself in the now Learn to ground yourself in the present moment by practicing relaxation and mindfulness exercises. This can prepare you to stay anchored in stressful situations and observe difficult feelings from a state of calm awareness rather than being overwhelmed by them or overreacting.

Consider counseling Counseling can serve as a valuable navigation tool. A trained mental health professional can help you identify and modify dysfunctional thought patterns and beliefs that are fueling your abandonment anxiety, as well as equip you with effective coping techniques.

Bible Verses That Address Abandonment Anxiety

God’s Word contains many verses that speak of His steadfast presence and love. The Bible is full of assurance that He will never reject you or forsake you. Look for verses that speak to your heart, underline them, and write them out.

You can also place them in strategic places, such as your bathroom mirror or refrigerator door. They can serve as constant reminders each time you see them that even if others abandon you, you can be sure that God never will. He loves you unconditionally, and nothing can separate you from His love.

The following are a few examples to get you started. Memorize them and speak them over yourself until they become internalized and firmly embedded in your heart.

“Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” – Hebrews 13:5b, NIV

The LORD is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me? – Psalm 118:6, ESV

Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me. – Psalm 27:10, NIV

Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. – Romans 8:39, NIV

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. – Isaiah 41:10, NIV

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. – 1 Peter 5:7, NIV

When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul. – Psalm 94:19, ESV

It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure. — 2 Samuel 22:33, NIV

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. – Proverbs 3:5-6, NIV

Benefits of Counseling for Abandonment Anxiety

Counseling provides a safe, nonjudgmental space in which you can explore what is at the core of your abandonment anxiety and how it is impacting your life. With the guidance and support of a trained mental health professional who will help you identify your triggers, you can begin to understand why you react the way you do and be able to see things from a broader, more positive, and realistic perspective.

The exact process may vary according to your unique symptoms and circumstances. It typically involves helping you recognize specific thought patterns and limiting beliefs that are perpetuating your abandonment anxiety. Then you can learn to challenge and reframe them. Your counselor can help equip you with effective coping mechanisms and strategies.

You can learn to set boundaries and enhance your communication skills. This will enable you to manage your emotions in healthier, more adaptive ways and build more secure, fulfilling relationships.

If you are struggling with abandonment anxiety and have questions or would like to set up a risk-free appointment to meet with me or one of the other faith-based counselors in Vancouver, Washington, please give us a call today.

Faith-based counseling combines conventional clinical interventions with biblical principles and insights. This process will help ground you in the truths of God’s Word and help you discover spiritual support and prayer.

You do not have to walk this path alone. Call us at Vancouver Christian Counseling in Washington to learn more.