First Year of Marriage Survival Kit: What to Pack for a Thriving Relationship

If you love to travel, you probably get a bit of an emotional boost just packing for your next adventure. Knowing your destination helps you choose what to bring along, from essential gear to personal comforts.

Marriage, much like travel, is a thrilling journey you embark on with your closest companion. Unfortunately, while packing for a vacation involves physical items, preparing for the adventure of marriage requires a different kind of preparation. It’s not just about what to bring from your single life but also about understanding and managing your expectations and emotions.

Just as you’d carefully select your gear for a trip, consider this guide a survival kit for your first year of marriage, packed with practical advice and insights to help you know what practical parts of your single life to take with you into this exciting new chapter.

First year of marriage: survival tips

Pack lightly

Overpacking can be cumbersome and weigh you down when you’re trying to race through airports or hiking a trail. Overpacking for a marriage can similarly weigh you down.

Try to enter your marriage with vulnerability and humility. The Bible advises approaching God with the innocence of a child. This advice is also true for how you should approach your marriage.

This is not to say that you should check your common sense at the door, but it does mean that you should rid yourself of the hurt and baggage of past relationships. Seek therapy to help you lose the burdens of past relationships and heal the wounds that could interfere with your marriage.

Avoid assuming that your spouse will be like your past partners or letting previous experiences affect your trust in them. Instead, approach your relationship with sincere vulnerability and trust, free from the biases of past experiences. By doing so, you’ll develop a healthier and more authentic connection with your partner.

Plan your journey, but leave room for spontaneity

Just as you would not likely take a major vacation without some planning, you shouldn’t enter the biggest relationship journey of your life without a thoughtful approach. Before you are joined in marriage, it is important to have in-depth discussions with your future spouse about key aspects of your life together.

Discuss finances in depth before you commit yourselves to each other. Decide on where you will live and the distribution of responsibilities. Discuss long-term goals about careers and where you might want to live in the future.

While it’s important to have a plan, it is equally vital to recognize that you cannot predict the future or control all outcomes. God’s plan for your lives may differ from your initial expectations. Having a rough map or a flexible outline for your future can help you successfully navigate the first year of marriage with greater ease but be prepared to adjust when necessary.

It’s important to be open to new and unexpected opportunities. Avoid becoming so rigid in your plans that you miss out on spontaneous adventures or necessary adjustments. Effective communication with your partner and guidance from God will help you determine when to stay on course and when to embrace new directions.

Don’t forget your toothbrush.

Don’t forget to bring your sense of self and the positive aspects of your single life with you on your marital journey. While the Bible indicates that married couples become one, this unity does not require you to relinquish the individuality that makes you uniquely you.

Abandoning your former life entirely can leave you feeling disoriented, disconnected, and like a foreigner in an unfamiliar land. Instead, integrate the positive aspects of your old life into your marriage. It’s perfectly acceptable to continue enjoying personal hobbies and maintaining individual interests and opinions. Your partner fell in love with you for who you are, including your unique traits and passions.

Cherish the activities that bring you joy, whether it’s quiet time at the library or a long-standing coffee date with a friend. If these pursuits do not undermine your marriage, it’s healthy to nurture some time apart from your spouse. Maintaining your individual identity within the marriage can enrich your relationship and keep it vibrant.

Love generously

Love is an important attribute to practice in marriage. Your spouse will make mistakes. Generously forgive. Your spouse will make sacrifices. Lovingly reciprocate. The Bible tells us true love is patient, kind, and does not boast or envy. It keeps no record of wrongs and is not easily angered.

Embodying these qualities is essential in your marriage. Even if you feel comfortable and secure with your spouse, it’s crucial not to take love for granted. Continue to demonstrate the actions that reflect genuine love, as this not only strengthens your relationship but also ensures that your love remains vibrant and meaningful.

Set realistic expectations

Vacation brochures often depict idyllic scenes with smiling faces and perfect weather, rarely highlighting the less glamorous aspects like bed bug infestations and poor reviews. This can lead travelers to have high expectations, only to feel disappointed when reality doesn’t measure up.

Likewise, many couples enter marriage with lofty expectations fueled by the excitement of romance and courtship. The wedding planning process often puts the couple in the spotlight, with others catering to their every whim.

Once the wedding and honeymoon are over, some couples face a sense of letdown as they transition back to everyday life, which can feel starkly different from the pre-wedding bliss. For most, that new “normal” life looks nothing like the one they left behind.

Entering marriage with expectations of a flawless, fairy-tale life can lead to disillusionment when reality doesn’t align with these fantasies. Understand that issues you faced before marriage won’t vanish with the exchange of vows, and new challenges will arise.

Instead of holding onto unrealistic ideals, recognize that marriage involves navigating both anticipated and unexpected problems together. Embrace the reality that, despite the ups and downs, you have a life partner to lean on and face these challenges with.

Grace and empathy

Most importantly, bring a heart that is full of grace and empathy into your marriage. Entering a marriage with a heart full of gratitude, understanding, and compassion will allow you to be the type of partner that your spouse looks forward to coming home to each day. Remember your spouse is more important than material possessions or trivial and petty disagreements.

Both you and your spouse are undergoing significant changes as you adapt to married life. Be empathetic to your spouse as they try to navigate unchartered territory and juggle the new possibilities that come with the role of being your spouse.

Rather than focusing on small irritations or criticisms, gently address issues with your partner. Shift your focus from the negatives to celebrating the successes and expressing gratitude for the positive aspects of your relationship. This approach will create a more harmonious and supportive partnership.

Call a tour guide

Wandering through unfamiliar cities while on vacation can be thrilling, but it’s easy to feel lost when you stray from your planned route. Similarly, navigating the unchartered territories of a relationship can sometimes lead to confusion.

Entering marriage without the guidance of God can leave you feeling directionless. Pray for wisdom, understanding, and practical assistance. God will be faithful to direct your paths and guide you through obstacles.

If you find that you need additional support on your journey, consider seeking the help of a professional couples therapist. A therapist can help you work through your emotions and traumas as well as help you and your spouse navigate the intricacies and complexities of marriage.

Navigating the first year of marriage is akin to setting off on an exhilarating journey. While it is important to pack wisely, leaving behind excess baggage and embracing new adventures, the heart of the journey lies in love, adaptability, and mutual growth. Just as in travel, where spontaneity and preparation go hand-in-hand, your marriage will flourish when you blend thoughtful planning with the freedom to adapt.

If you need help traveling this first year of marriage and would like to meet with me or another therapist in our online directory, contact our office today.