How to Pray a Prayer of Lament

“. . . New life starts in the dark. Whether it is a seed in the ground, a baby in the womb, or Jesus in the tomb, it starts in the dark.” – Barbara Brown Taylor, Learning to Walk in the Dark

This quote from Barbara Brown Taylor in Learning to Walk in the Dark reminds us of the hope in the darkness. In the middle of our deepest pain when all feels dark, new life emerges bit by bit. Sitting in that dark and bringing it before God is something most of us are unacquainted with.

In recent times we’ve lost touch with a language that was familiar to those who founded our faith. We need to rediscover and speak this language once again. It is the language of lament.

Most churches do not include laments as a regular part of their Bible readings, nor do they have teachings on how to lament, how to pray a prayer of lament, or why it’s beneficial been part of worship for us. There are dozens of examples in Scripture and a regular practice of incorporating prayers of lament has been found to be healing.

There has been a growing interest in lament in the past few years. Learning how to pray a prayer of lament can be a helpful way to meet with God in grief or suffering.

What is lament?

Laments are a type of prayer. We’re familiar with prayers of thanksgiving, petition, and intercession. This is a form of prayer or a language of prayer. A prayer of lament can be expressed to God after a loss, during an illness, in times of trial, during suffering, or in the grieving process. It is one way to share our hearts with God in the dark and bring into the light.

We see this type of prayer in many places in the Bible including Psalms, Job, Habakkuk, Jeremiah, and, of course, Lamentations. The well-known hymn “It is Well with My Soul” is considered a lament. Jesus laments, David laments, and we can as well.

A prayer of lament can be an individual or corporate practice, they can be written, spoken, or sung, and can be for a person, object, place, experience, or anything else. You may see a lament written following a national tragedy, in a funeral dirge, or capturing a memory. Learning to lament can be included as an aspect of grief therapy.

“Laments are prayers of petition arising out of need. But lament is not simply the presentation of a list of complaints, nor merely the expression of sadness over difficult circumstances. Lament in the Bible is a liturgical response to the reality of suffering and engages God in the context of pain and trouble. The hope of lament is that God would respond to human suffering that is wholeheartedly communicated through lament.” – Soong-Chan Rah, Prophetic Lament

How to pray a prayer of lament

A prayer of lament doesn’t have to follow a specific structure but some find it helpful. Read the psalms of lament for a better understanding of the traditional structure. We’ll share a suggested structure below. What follows are a few practical ways to try this practice.

Some find it helpful to take a lament from the Bible and re-write it. You can write about your circumstances, use modern language, and “update” it to whatever is going on in your situation.

Reading a prayer of lament from the Bible, a hymn, or a prayer book is a great way to get started. You don’t even have to change the words. Take the prayer that’s already been written and allow it to become a prayer from your heart.

Crafting your own may feel intimidating, but it doesn’t have to.

Here are a few steps. You can write or say them out loud.

Step 1: Invite God in

Ask God to be with you and guide you during your time of distress. Ask Him to help you sit in stillness.

Step 2: Name it

Name what you’re feeling. Anger? Sadness? Pain? Frustration? Tell God what you feel and why you feel it. God knows what you’re feeling and loves and cares for you in every circumstance. You can express your deepest pain and anger, even telling God if you’re angry or upset with Him.

Step 3: Welcome it and sit with it

Don’t try to stuff the feelings away. Sit with them and welcome them. Ask God questions such as Why? How? When?

Step 4: Trust God with it 

Express your trust in God’s plan. Talk to God about any doubts, questions, or fears you have with this doubt. Remember, God can handle anything you bring. Sit in remembrance of moments God has been faithful to you in the past. Offer it all over to God.

Step 5: Petition God and ask for deliverance

Share with God what you hope will happen. Ask for deliverance. Be assured that God hears your prayer and sees your tears.

Step 6: Praise and thank God

This may be the hardest part. Praise God through the pain. Tell God what goodness, faithfulness, and truth you’ve found. Share what you’re thankful for in the present moment.

Step 7: Sit in quiet

Spend time in quiet with God and with for God to send comfort.

Other ways to lament

Besides prayer, there are other practices that capture this spirit and practice as well. You may wish to try some of these as part of your grief counseling or on your own during the grieving process.

Spending time in nature. Nature is uniquely healing. Our souls are able to commune with God and process grief and suffering in nature unlike anywhere else.

Art. Sometimes we can’t find the words to pray. Art taps into a different side of our brain and a different aspect of healing. Even if you don’t consider yourself an artist, try out a couple of different forms of art. There are even art classes designed for grief and trauma recovery.

Music. Listening to and creating music helps to heal our souls. There are a few Christian albums about lament available, hymns of lament are found in most hymnals, and musicians may find it healing to put their own prayers to music.

Reading. In the past five years, several books and resources on lament have been published. There has also been a resurgence of materials for grief, suffering, loss, trauma, and mourning. Find a few that connect with you to learn more.

Fasting. This doesn’t have to involve food. People may choose to fast from food, drink, media, social media, forms of entertainment, etc. Fasting is an excellent practice to help remove distractions and bring focus.

Tear jars. There are a couple of ways people create tear jars. One way is to fill a jar with water and add a pinch of salt every time you feel overcome with grief. This represents God capturing your tears and counting every tear that falls. Another common practice is to write down onto a slip of paper what’s causing your tears, then roll it up and place in a jar.

Release practices. Again, there are a few different ways to release. These include: writing in the sand and letting the tide wash it away, placing the pain on a leaf and sending it down a stream, (safely) burning a piece of paper with our grief written upon it, or any number of other practices.

Crying. This one seems too simple. Yet it can be difficult for us to give ourselves permission to cry. Crying serves an important biological and emotional function in our bodies and brains. It is important for release and healing. Setting aside a specific time of day or place where you feel safe to cry may be helpful for those who struggle with feeling like crying is okay.

No matter what the practice looks like for you, lament is a practice and a prayer that helps us navigate the dark and find our way through to that new life.

Christian Grief Counseling

No matter what your loss or source of lament may look like, Christian counseling can be a very useful and healing resource for overcoming grief. If you’re looking for someone to help you process your grief, please contact one of the grief counselors in our counselor directory. We would be honored to walk the journey of healing with you.