How to Deal With Disillusionment

At the start of every new adventure, project, or relationship, we go through a season of excitement. We put our best efforts into this new thing; we are filled with optimism, hope, and faith. It might be getting into a new relationship, starting a new job, making a move, or joining a new community.

We imagine what it will feel like once we have achieved, attained, or arrived at that which we are pursuing: we know that feeling of expectancy. We have also experienced the dark, painful feelings of disappointment when things do not work out as we had hoped. Perhaps the romantic partner is not who you thought them to be, the community is not so welcoming, or your colleagues are hard to work with. This experience is disillusionment.

When we attach our hopes on an expected future and it doesn’t go the way we desired, the feeling can be soul-crushing. We might begin to question life, our purpose, or even the goodness of God. This is a feeling we are all too familiar with. We have all gone through stages of life that have left us feeling disheartened and struggling to find our way back to a fulfilling and meaningful life.

Causes of disillusionment

Unexpected Change – When change comes at an unexpected time, it can be disorienting and hard to adjust fast enough. This is often true in work situations when companies go through changes in management or operations and fail to inform or prepare their staff. It can create fear and tension in the workplace, leading to disillusionment if the change is too drastic for people to cope.

Unmet expectations

It is hard not to have expectations. We have expectations of ourselves, our partners, our loved ones, and those we work for and with. Disillusionment happens when these expectations are not met by those we believe could or should meet them. Feelings of disappointment and hurt might follow.

Idealization

Idealization gives us hope about people, the world, and our lives. However, idealization can be dangerous when we think that people or institutions are infallible. Disillusionment occurs when we see that people are not who we thought they were, and institutions are far from who we believed them to be.

Catastrophic Events

Catastrophic events can leave us feeling hopeless and helpless. The knowledge that something like natural disasters, terrorism, or a pandemic can happen at any given moment and there is nothing we can do to stop it, can have a devastating effect on someone’s outlook on the future. This leads to disillusionment.

Burnout

Feeling burnt out and unable to find any relief can leave us feeling disillusioned about life. The cycle seems vicious and never-ending and we feel no motivation or excitement for the future. Because we are fatigued, we who are burnt out can have an overly negative view of ourselves and our abilities to enact any change in our circumstances and lives.

Maturity

There is beauty in the optimism of youth. However, as we grow older and experience disappointment after disappointment, we tend to have a realistic view of life. The added responsibilities and complexities of adult life can feel all too overwhelming. This can cause disillusionment.

Failure

Failure can be hard to deal with, especially if we feel we have put in all that was required or needed, but still failed. We might struggle to trust in our abilities and therefore suffer from disillusionment.

Unanswered prayers

When we believe that God would grant us what we have asked for, it can be devastating when that thing doesn’t come to pass and we are left with a conflict of faith – which might lead to disillusionment. When we have believed and found our prayers unanswered, it can be a struggle to reconcile the outcome with who we know God to be.

Betrayal

Betrayal can come in many forms. It hits harder when it comes from those we trusted and believed had our best interests at heart. This betrayal can come from our loved ones, church leaders, or governments. Being betrayed by those closest to us can leave us questioning everything we thought we knew, and lead to a lack of confidence in oneself and to despair.

The dangers of disillusionment

If left unattended, disillusionment can be dangerous for those who are going through it. Disillusionment can hamper a person’s ability to live a fulfilled and meaningful life. We may feel like we were wronged and that life has no meaning. This feeling can often lead to mental health issues like depression and anxiety. In extreme cases, it might also lead to suicide.

Due to lack of confidence and trust in others, when we suffer from disillusionment we might also struggle to make and maintain healthy relationships. We may also become hyper-vigilant, especially if we have been betrayed. This inability to form or maintain relationships may hamper work, social interactions, and church life. It might also keep us from seeking professional help.

Trauma and PTSD may also contribute to suffering from disillusionment. We may have gone through catastrophic situations that left us feeling exposed and/or in danger. Our body may constantly be in fight or flight mode. After what we have been through, we may struggle to see a way forward or hold hope for ourselves and humanity.

Unfortunately, losing one’s faith in disillusionment is far too common. This can be a compounded by unanswered prayers, an unfortunate experience at church, or a leader who lets us down. This can leave us with a profound sense of emptiness and loneliness. Church is family and losing one’s community can be devastating. Losing faith in God can also leave us disoriented about life, our purpose, and even His existence.

How to overcome disillusionment

Disillusionment is something we all experience from time-to-time. Some people can bounce back from disillusionment from it faster than others. If you find yourself struggling to get out of the state of despair and hopelessness, it is important to know that you are not alone. Though it might not feel like it at the moment, you can overcome feelings of disillusionment, and below are a few suggestions:

Accept feelings

It might be hard to understand or process feelings during seasons of disillusionment. However, the first step will always be acknowledging the fact that we are struggling and feeling overwhelmed or discouraged. Only then can we start to look for help. This is especially important for us as Christians when we might perceive that it’s a lack of faith to feel this way, and then live in denial and not get the help and support we might need.

Practice self-compassion

Self-compassion means treating oneself with understanding and empathy. We sometimes hold ourselves to such high standards that we set ourselves up for failure. When we are compassionate toward ourselves, we can self-reflect in a more honest way in order to bring about learning, healing, and growth.

Forgiveness

Learning to forgive those who have let us down is an incredible act to not let the past interfere with our day-to-day joy. Forgiveness comes from a place of empathy and understanding that all humans fail and disappoint. If your disillusionment is a result of someone else’s hurtful words and actions, letting the hurt go means you do not hold bitterness. You free them from the debt they owe you, and you free yourself.

Gratitude

Practice gratitude, even when you don’t feel like it can lift the cloud of disillusionment. When we start to notice that life is not hopeless after all, we can start planning for our future and restoring our hope and faith. Gratitude gives a more balanced perspective,

Ask for help and support

Recovering from disillusionment will require you to ask for help from trusted others. This might be a pastor, counselor, friend, or family member. These people may offer emotional support, practical help, and a different perspective from a loving place. They may also provide you with a safe space to vent, process, or just be still.

Prayer

As Christians, we know that prayer is important. especially during times when we feel far from God and community. Prayer can provide us with direct access to Him who loves and sees our pain and He who will walk with us during struggles. Even if our disillusionment is with God and/or the church, still, He calls us to go to Him as He will understand and guide us through this tough season.

Turn to Scripture

The Bible is our source of wisdom, encouragement, and truth. Even when we find ourselves disillusioned about our faith.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed. The righteous person faces many troubles, but the Lord comes to the rescue each time. – Psalm 34:18-19, NLT

Reach out for support

Going through a season of disillusionment can be challenging. If you need support as you navigate this time in your life, please reach out to our offices. We can connect you to counselors and therapists who are ready to offer assistance.