Why Women Have Affairs and How to Prevent One From Happening

There are many reasons why women have affairs. One of the major contributing factors, however, is an emotional void in their marriage relationship that leads them to look for understanding and validation somewhere else.

Common Character Traits of Women Who Have Affairs

Women who have affairs tend to be self-focused, impulsive, emotionally immature, insecure, suffer from low self-esteem, and need constant validation and approval. To them, an affair is a way to gain acceptance and attention and to feel valued and desirable. Often, they have narcissistic tendencies, a lack of empathy or regard for their spouse’s emotional well-being, and are unlikely to think about the negative impact their actions may have on others.

Other common characteristics include an insatiable desire for more, no matter how much they are given; a hankering for new experiences, and excitement; being easily bored; liking to break rules; being secretive; and being skilled at lying and deception.

Why Women Have Affairs: Potential Risk Factors

Have you ever wondered why women have affairs? The following list of factors may increase a woman’s risk of having an affair.

Loneliness A woman who feels unloved and alone, and who longs to be noticed and appreciated, is vulnerable to becoming involved with a man who makes her feel valued and special.

Unmet emotional needs The absence of a deep emotional bond with her spouse and a yearning for emotional connection and intimacy can make a woman vulnerable to the enticement of another man’s kindness and attentiveness.

Being shrugged off When a woman tries to reach out to her spouse and talk to him about an issue that is important to her, and he consistently disregards and trivializes her feelings, it may open the door for her heart to stray as she looks to another man for acceptance and validation.

Lack of comfort during a difficult time A woman may be vulnerable to seeking comfort and support from an affair if she is not receiving it from her spouse during a time of upheaval due to a major life change or loss.

Unresolved anger or a desire for retaliation Some women have affairs to get back at a spouse who they feel has wronged them, or out of a desire to have revenge on an unfaithful husband.

Situational factors Situational factors include being under the influence of drugs or alcohol, clouded judgment, foolishly flirting without considering the possible consequences, and unexpected opportunities that provide an avenue for the fulfillment of physical or emotional needs that she sees as unmet by the marriage relationship.

Red Flags That Should Never Be Ignored

Affairs don’t just happen. They tend to grow out of something that at first seems harmless, such as a friendship with a male co-worker, a person you see at the gym, or perhaps someone in your Bible study at church. You enjoy his company and feel a connection, but it seems innocent enough. Is it though?

The following are some warning signs that you have crossed a marital boundary and are dangerously close to having an affair.

You share deep thoughts and feelings with the man you are attracted to and discuss problems in your marriage that should be kept private between you and your spouse; you rearrange your schedule so you can have more contact with him, and find ways to justify your behavior; you fantasize about what it would be like to be with him in a romantic way; and you lie to your spouse by leaving out details of your day that include spending time with the other man.

Tips For Stopping Infidelity Before It Starts

Adultery is rarely premeditated, but rather, tends to be the result of a series of unwise choices and decisions. Proverbs 4:23 exhorts us to guard our hearts with all diligence because that is where everything we do begins.

Here are some steps you can take to safeguard your heart and affair-proof your marriage so as to stop adultery even before it has a chance to start.

• Be intentional about honoring your marriage vows and the commitment you and your spouse made to be faithful to one another.
• Prioritize each other’s physical and emotional needs, be quick to address issues and concerns as soon as they arise, and always validate one another’s feelings.
• Make your marriage a priority no matter how busy life may get, and never take your spouse for granted. Have a daily time to connect with one another, even if it’s just over coffee in the morning, or taking a short walk together after your evening meal.
• Don’t flirt or fantasize about what it would be like to be intimate with another man. Flirting suggests interest and invites a response.
• Set clear and firm boundaries, and don’t make excuses to be with a person of the opposite sex. That just opens the door to an emotional affair. One small compromise makes the next one easier.
• Be aware of danger zones such as work or the internet that could open the door to infidelity. Take precautions to avoid risky situations. For instance, if there is a man at work you feel you could be attracted to, don’t spend time alone with him. Always make sure there is at least one other person present if you go out for coffee, a meal, or attend an event, even when you’re away on a business trip together.
• Be disciplined about what kind of information you share with people at work. Avoid confiding in a male coworker about intimate thoughts and feelings that you don’t share with your spouse. Ask yourself if it is something you would feel comfortable saying or doing if he were present.
• Avoid online relationships with members of the opposite sex and guard yourself from developing an emotional affair by keeping your computer in a shared room so the screen is never hidden from your spouse.
• If you are tempted to have an affair, talk about it with a trusted friend to help protect yourself from following through. Talk to the Lord about your struggle as well and pray to Him about it.
• Maintain appropriate boundaries at work and keep conversations with male co-workers work-related rather than about your personal life.
• Don’t form coalitions against your spouse by discussing problems in your marriage with others instead of with him. Avoid turning to a male co-worker for comfort and support when you are unhappy with your relationship or confide in him about personal details that should be kept private between you and your spouse.
• Create a strong, trusting relationship with your husband in which you feel safe communicating openly and honestly with one another. Tell him about any feelings or connections you may have with another man. Bring your spouse into your world and discuss your problems and concerns with him.
• Have a discussion with your spouse about boundaries and expectations concerning how you relate with members of the apposite sex outside of your marriage relationship so that there are no misunderstandings.
• Have deep, meaningful conversations with your spouse. Talk about your goals, share memories, create a joint bucket list, and/or develop rituals and traditions that strengthen your relationship.
• Share your vision of what a great marriage looks like to you with one another, as well as what things feel romantic to each of you. Having a mutually satisfying physical relationship will strengthen the bond between you.
• Spend as much quality time as you can with your spouse. Take time to do fun things together. Make a list of things you enjoy doing together and pick a couple of them to do each month.

Ideas to Reconnect with Your Spouse in Vancouver

The Waterfront Renaissance Trail An easy walk with beautiful views of the river. Stroll along the trail and remember details of your early courtship.

Vancouver Lake Park Dust off those bicycles and load them up. It is a great time to take a bike ride around the lake. Pack a picnic lunch and make a day of it.

If you’re a couple that likes to solve puzzles, try the NW Escape Experience It’s a great way to practice team work.

Catch a movie at Regal City Center Theater

Afterward, you can talk about the film over a bite to eat at Amaro’s Table

Christian Couples Counseling in Vancouver, WA

If you need more help than what this article on why women have affairs could provide and would like to set up an appointment to meet with one of the faith-based counselors in Vancouver, Washington, please contact us at Vancouver Christian Counseling.