What to Do If Your Co-Parent Won’t Stick to a Parenting Plan

When parents decide to go their separate ways, it is common for both to make certain bold declarations, ignorant sweeping statements, and vague verbal parenting plan agreements for the upkeep of their child. Often, one parent has to bear the lion’s share of actual parenting while the other drops the ball.

If the former has happened to you, don’t worry; you are certainly not the first, nor should it be your fault or burden to bear alone. This article may help you find some crucial steps you missed when your journey into co-parenting began and how you can repair things going forward.

You were probably so overwhelmed by emotion when your relationship with your co-parent ended that you both barely focused on the legal or regulatory statutes surrounding raising a child while living separate lives.

If you are constantly overwhelmed by parenting duties and notice that the other parent isn’t being helpful, chances are your initial parenting plan had a few holes in it.

Common mistakes in a shared parenting plan

You did not establish solid guidelines for communication

How do you talk to your ex?

• Through random texts and phone calls at any time of the day?
• Not talking to each other at all to avoid fighting?
• Sending messages back and forth through friends, family, or the kids?

Think of joint parenting the same way you would any other business arrangement, because that is exactly what it is.

Once you agree to remove the emotional side of your relationship, you can be joint collaborators in the most important job in the world: parenting. Any successful collaboration needs a mutually agreed-upon communication protocol with structure and order to ensure smooth coordination.

You did not define routines and schedules

Who is responsible for doing what and when?

• Is one of you deciding when and what the child does?
• Are you just going with the flow and letting whoever has time watch the child?

Great parenting teamwork is designed to revolve around the needs and changing circumstances of the child rather than either one of the parents.

You must make your schedules flexible and practical enough to clearly outline when the child will be with each parent and the daily routines at each home to avoid confusing or disrupting the child.

You failed to define decision-making responsibilities

Who holds the decision-making authority?

• Is there no actual joint decision-making?
• Do both of you make your own separate decisions without the other knowing?

A thoughtful and comprehensive decision-making plan can help you avoid future conflicts and provide stability for your children during this transition. Think about major life-changing decisions such as education, healthcare, or religion. Finding common ground and agreeing on who decides what creates fairness and structure for the child’s life.

You did not seek out professional or legal help

Are most of your agreements verbal or assumed?

• Did you hash out your parenting plans as you met face-to-face?
• Do you expect the other parent simply to do what’s right?

The truth is that all crucial collaborative arrangements should always be in writing and legally endorsed to make them binding and encourage accountability. As joint parents, you must agree on a binding parenting plan document to regulate the exercise of your rights and responsibilities.

What Does a Legal Parenting Plan Entail?

Crafting a solid and fair arrangement is crucial for successful co-parenting, but maybe you’re wondering what this means. A parenting plan is a document submitted through the court that helps both parents and determines the basic understanding of how you will share the care and custody of your child.

This includes decision-making, parenting time, guidelines for educational and medical decisions scheduled during the school year, holidays, and other child support obligations.

You are given the choice to either:

• Submit a joint parenting plan you both fully agree on, or
• Both parents may submit their own parenting plans, and the court will decide what the best interests of the children are and enter its own parenting plan.

Co-parenting can be challenging, but it can be made worse when one or both of you continue to make decisions that hinder a healthy and effective arrangement. A good parenting plan will minimize loss and maximize joy and stability for the child. However, sometimes it happens that one of you doesn’t realize that their role is to cooperate and provide as many opportunities for the child as possible.

If you need help establishing those rights and responsibilities in a safe and healthy place, now is the time to seek the assistance of a family advocate, social worker, psychologist, or other suitably qualified professional.

We believe that no one should have to go through the challenging experience of parenting alone without access to the proper information and support they need. Contact us today to meet with a professional who can help.