The Importance of Honesty in Premarital Counseling

Honesty is at the heart of a strong God-centered marriage, and it plays a pivotal role in premarital counseling. Honesty is at the heart of many of God’s commandments too, particularly those that govern our relationships with others. So, it should come as no surprise that honesty is foundational to obeying God’s law and developing a strong marriage.

Couples entering marriage often face significant challenges but being open and transparent during counseling sessions allows both partners to address their fears, expectations, and concerns openly. Honesty creates an environment of trust where couples can explore sensitive topics like finances, future goals, family expectations, and trauma from past relationships.

Tips for practicing honesty in premarital counseling

Be honest with yourself first

Before you can be fully honest with others, you need to understand your own intentions and desires. Reflect on what you genuinely want from marriage and write down your thoughts to clarify your goals.

Seek God

Ask God to shed light on anything in your life that needs to be disclosed to your partner and for boldness to share uncomfortable truths.

Acknowledge personal flaws

Admit mistakes, shortcomings or personality flaws that may affect the relationship. Be willing to admit when you’re wrong and acknowledge areas where you may need to be more open or honest.

Commit to transparency

Make a joint commitment to honesty, agreeing to have nothing to hide from each other, even if the truth is uncomfortable.

Speak with grace

Frame your honesty in kindness, offering the truth in love to ensure your words are received in the right spirit.

Avoid evasion and superficial responses

Encourage yourself and your partner to dive deep into honest conversations about feelings, thoughts and needs to help promote intimacy and authenticity.

Be open to feedback

When your partner offers feedback, listen without getting defensive. Consider their perspective and seek to understand their point of view, even if it’s uncomfortable.

Accept your partner’s individuality

Recognize and respect the fact that your partner is a separate person with their own feelings, thoughts and experiences. Avoid trying to change them to fit your expectations.

Avoid comparisons

Refrain from comparing yourself, your partner or your relationship to others, as it can lead to resentment, dishonesty and a distorted self-image. Focus instead on your own unique relationship and being authentic rather than trying to meet external expectations or impress others.

Recognize temptations to be dishonest

Pay attention to moments when you feel the temptation to lie or not be transparent with your partner. Acknowledge the reasons behind these temptations and consider the long-term impact of dishonesty. These areas that you are afraid to disclose to your partner may well be the most important areas to discuss.

How to react

When a partner shares something honest but uncomfortable, it’s important to respond with grace and understanding rather than reacting defensively or dismissively. Couples should strive to create a safe space for open communication. This is often more easily achieved during counseling sessions where there is an unbiased third party facilitating the conversation.

Honesty in premarital counseling is key to building accountability between partners. It encourages both individuals to take responsibility for their actions, be clear about their intentions and address any past mistakes. It also helps them forge a path to the future together on an authentic foundation.

To begin premarital counseling with a Christian counselor in Vancouver, Washington, call our office to schedule an appointment at Vancouver Christian Counseling in Washington today.