Premarital Counseling in Vancouver: Essential Questions to Help You Prepare for Marriage

A wedding day is probably one of the happiest days a person can experience. Weddings have their fair share of stress, especially leading up to the day as the couple plans every detail, negotiates what they can afford, and plans who to invite. Likewise, they begin to understand what being in each other’s lives and families will look like over the long haul. Nonetheless, a wedding day is a celebration like no other, as two lives merge into a new family unit.

According to Dave Willis, “Great marriages don’t happen by luck or by accident. They are the result of a consistent investment of time, thoughtfulness, forgiveness, affection, prayer, mutual respect, and a rock-solid commitment between a husband and a wife.” When does this investment begin? The best time to begin investing in a great marriage is before it even begins, and that is the place of premarital counseling.

The Purpose and Value of Premarital Counseling in Vancouver, Washington

Premarital counseling in Vancouver, Washington is a form of talk therapy that a couple on the path toward marriage can take advantage of. It is aimed at helping a couple to begin thinking through topics and questions that every married couple faces at one point or another in their relationship. If a couple starts thinking about these things earlier in their relationship, they can avoid being unprepared when those issues arise.

No one walks into a marriage, or any relationship, with the hope or intention that it fails. The reality, however, is that relationships do fail. Sometimes, relationships fail because they encounter difficulties that neither party anticipated or perhaps were not adequately prepared for. Part of what premarital counseling does is to prepare a couple for the things that tend to derail couples and their marriages.

Premarital counseling often gets treated with the same wary suspicion as prenuptial agreements. Surely, the thinking goes, you’re dooming yourself by already assuming that things are going to go wrong. However, it’s likely the case that the opposite is true. A marriage brings together two sinners. No matter how much those two sinners love each other, things will go wrong. It’s best to be prepared to deal with it when it happens.

If, as Gary L. Thomas put it, “A good marriage isn’t something you find; it’s something you make.” then the process of making a good marriage starts by preparing to make the best of it. That begins even before a couple walks down the aisle. It’s probably helpful to point out that premarital counseling helps a couple discern whether they ought to take that next step toward marriage. It can steer individuals away from unwise marriages.

In sum, premarital counseling in Vancouver helps a couple by creating space for them to think clearly and carefully about what marriage to each other means. It poses key questions that explore the issues that commonly cause conflict in marriage and are frequently to blame for marital breakdown. By equipping to deal with these issues, it strengthens the future union. It also allows a couple to discern if moving forward together is wise.

How Premarital Counseling Works

Firstly, you have to choose a counselor and platform that will work best for you. Some counselors approach marriage from a biblical standpoint, while others don’t. Counselors will also have different styles, and you may find yourselves more comfortable with one approach over another.

Other aspects to consider when thinking about premarital counseling include practical issues like whether your insurance will cover the cost of the sessions, as well as where the counselor is located. The cost of sessions can be mitigated by going for group premarital counseling instead of one-on-one with the counselor. Also, some counselors can work with you online, while others are strictly in person. That can affect which counselor you choose.

You’ll meet with your counselor in Vancouver, Washington once or twice a week for about six weeks or more. Each session is typically around an hour long and is dedicated to a particular aspect of your future marriage. Your counselor will create an environment in which you can be vulnerable and honest with each other. You’ll have room to explore your thoughts and feelings.

Premarital counseling can be considered successful when the couple emerges from the sessions aware of and prepared for what married life brings. If the couple improves their communication skills, has deeper self-awareness, and can make an informed decision about their future together, knowing the areas in which they need support and growth, the counseling is a success.

If the couple decides that perhaps it’s wise to part ways, that too is a success. It is better to see red flags and avoid them than to walk into a marriage that inevitably is troubled and doesn’t end well. It is hard to quantify these things, but it may be better to stay single than to enter a potentially toxic marriage. Premarital counseling can help you with that risk.

Helpful Questions Premarital Counseling Asks

When you go for premarital counseling, there are several questions that you’ll work through. These questions will be centered on the issues that often cause division and conflict between spouses.

Money Money issues are often at the top of the list of reasons why couples have conflicts. The questions here include who will be responsible for bringing in the family income; who will handle the finances, which includes tasks like paying bills and doing the taxes; whether either partner is coming into the relationship with debt; what uses the family income will be put to; and if there are boundaries around money.

Sex A couple may have different expectations regarding sex. That could include frequency and what is acceptable as part of sexual intimacy for the couple.

Children Couples can work through questions such as “Do you want children, and how many?” The couple can also talk through their respective parenting philosophies, including issues such as what constitutes acceptable discipline for a child.

Boundaries Every healthy relationship requires boundaries that respect the individual and their needs. These boundaries may be about time, like what will the couple do in their spare time. They may be about digital privacy and access to each other’s social media accounts, as well as how they use those accounts. Boundaries may be around relating to in-laws, including spending time or sharing intimate details with them.

An important question for couples to answer is “What do you consider infidelity?” It’s important to understand this upfront, as people sometimes have different definitions of infidelity. Is talking with an ex or following them on social media out of bounds? Is watching pornography or having an intense emotional connection with another person okay? These are important questions to consider.

Divorce Another important question for a couple to consider is what they think about divorce, and whether there are any circumstances in which it is acceptable as a course of action. It is also helpful to explore each individual’s understanding and expectations of commitment to one another. What does it mean to them, and why are they choosing this person to enter into marriage with?

Conflict A couple also needs to come to grips with how they deal with conflict as individuals. Often, conflict can escalate unnecessarily because the couple doesn’t handle conflict the same way. The argument becomes about how conflict should be dealt with instead of the issue the conflict is over. A couple can explore their default conflict and communication styles, understanding the difference that makes.

Roles A couple does well to explore questions around roles in the family. Some things may seem obvious because of one’s upbringing. However, it is worthwhile to explore these assumptions to unearth what each partner thinks will be expected of them, and what they expect of each other. This includes tasks such as childrearing, working, and maintaining the home.

Getting Started with Premarital Counseling in Vancouver, Washington

Through premarital counseling in Vancouver, a couple can also explore questions about their goals, living arrangements, how to handle their spirituality, etc. Working with a premarital counselor in Vancouver will equip a couple for marriage and strengthen their union.

If you’re contemplating getting married, reach out to us today at Vancouver Christian Counseling in Washington to schedule an appointment with me or one of the other premarital counselors in our directory. We would be honored to help you set your marriage on a strong foundation.