How Can I Tell If I’m In An Emotionally Abusive Relationship?

Do you ever wonder whether you are in an emotionally abusive relationship or if maybe you are the one with a problem? Does your relationship cause you to feel more drained than happy? Do you feel confused and have doubts about yourself and your understanding of things when you are around the other person? If so, you may be experiencing emotional abuse.

Emotional abuse is when someone uses words to intentionally hurt, frighten, manipulate, control, or gain power over your emotions. It can happen in any type of relationship. The abusive person can be a spouse, romantic partner, employer, co-worker, family member, or friend.

Emotional abuse can take many forms and may sometimes be so subtle and insidious that it is difficult to recognize. Other times it can be more overt, such as a verbal attack or threat.

The primary goal of emotional abuse is to discredit your feelings and damage your self-esteem and sense of self-worth, as well as isolate you from others so you become dependent on your abuser. It is a dysfunctional pattern of behavior that is never okay, and that is never your fault.

Signs of an emotionally abusive relationship

Constant criticism

The abusive person makes you feel as though nothing you do is ever good enough. He or she attempts to undermine your self-esteem by constantly finding fault with you, looking for things to criticize, and telling you every way that you fall short.

Dismissiveness

The abusive person is dismissive of your opinions and feelings and may express disinterest by using nonverbal body language such as rolling his or her eyes, smirking, sighing, or shaking his or her head. If you say something they said or did was hurtful or upsetting, they will trivialize it and say you are overreacting.

Shaming

The abusive person says things intended to make you feel ashamed, such as making insulting comments about what you are wearing, bringing up your inadequacies, and saying cruel things about areas you are sensitive about such as your weight or body image.

Blaming

Instead of taking responsibility for their reactions and negative behaviors, the abusive person blames you for them, as well as for their problems. When you are with them you feel bad about yourself and guilty about things that aren’t your fault.

Belittling

The abusive person constantly puts you down and speaks to you in a condescending way that makes you feel as though your opinions and values are foolish or wrong. They tend to brush off your achievements, suggest your hobbies are a waste of time, belittle your accomplishments, or try to take credit for them, and attempt to discourage and thwart your attempts to achieve personal or professional goals.

Humiliating

The abusive person ridicules and patronizes you in front of others, insults you, makes fun of your shortcomings, calls you derogatory nicknames even when you ask them to stop, and embarrasses you by making jokes at your expense or sharing secrets you have asked them not to share.

Stonewalling

During a disagreement, the abusive person refuses to answer questions or respond to your attempts to communicate and consistently shuts down the conversation.

Silent treatment

The abusive person may neglect your emotional needs by deliberately withholding affection, or by using silent treatment to punish you.

Gaslighting

The abusive person makes you question your sanity and sense of reality by telling you something you witnessed or experienced didn’t happen, or that you are crazy.

Getting help

If any of the red flags in this article have touched a chord and you feel you are in an emotionally abusive relationship and could use some guidance and support, please give our office a call to set up an appointment to meet with one of the faith-based counselors at Vancouver Christian Counseling in Washington.