Good Grief, It’s the Holidays

The Christmas holiday season can be the most joyous and magical time of the year, but for many, it is the most stressful and depressing. If you are dreading the holidays, you’re not alone. Many people find that Christmas is the most stressful time of the year.

There is a lot of societal pressure to “enjoy” the holidays. It’s a time for tradition, but if your family dynamic has changed, many traditions you may have held dear are no longer an option.

Christmas is supposed to be a time of reflection. Maybe because Christmas is at the end of the year, or maybe because it has been presented as a unique season, but there is a lot of societal focus on reflecting on the past at this time of year. For some with difficult pasts, this can bring emotional trauma.

There are hundreds of reasons why you may be dreading the upcoming holiday season, but take heart. Here are a few suggestions that might help you get through this season with a little more joy and a lot less stress.

Lose the expectations of a family gathering

Wipe out all your expectations for the holiday season. “I’m used to a big family gathering, and I don’t have any family left to celebrate with me.” I’m sorry to hear that your family has broken apart, for whatever and all reasons, but remaining sorry for yourself or getting stuck in the grief of what was and what may never be again, isn’t productive.

Your presence is a present. You are not chained to traditions and the past. You are alive and breathing, and that alone is enough to celebrate. Don’t mourn what was; celebrate what is!

If you are used to a large family gathering for the holidays, but life has shifted and this is no longer an option, it is time to consider how you can move forward. Cherish the memory of Christmases past, but forge a new path into what Christmas is, right now, this year.

Volunteer at a homeless shelter, attend a Christmas service at church, or invite all your single friends over for dinner. Whatever the situation, surround yourself with people. You may feel isolated in your grief, but chances are that if you reached out to others, you’d find that many are also dealing with grief or depression at this time of the year.

Create new traditions

Instead of mourning your past, focus on the present and your future. Decide today to start a tradition that you can look forward to every holiday season. If you are by yourself, that’s okay, because then you can do something indulgent that focuses just on yourself.

Give yourself permission to get a massage or manicure every Christmas Eve or go to a movie every year. Stock up on your favorite foods and have a movie marathon or even take a trip to a warmer climate each December. Don’t get hung up on maintaining familial traditions out of obligation. Keep what you enjoy, modify what you can, and create new traditions to make your holidays a little brighter.

Don’t ignore or dwell on your loss

Unfortunately, we all lose people we love. Whether it’s through death, divorce, or simply drifting apart, everyone has or will experience this type of loss sometime in their life. Dwelling on this loss will magnify the loss, but so will ignoring it. Find a nice balance where you acknowledge your loss but then move on.

If you have lost a loved one through death, hang an ornament that reminds you of them or eat their favorite meal around the holidays. But be careful because it can be detrimental to your mental health to “honor” your loved one during the holiday. I’m not saying that you should be disrespectful to your departed loved one, but having too many reminders of them can amplify your feelings of loss. Check in with yourself and adjust as necessary.

Christian Grief Counseling in Vancouver, WA

If you are struggling with feelings of grief and depression this holiday, make an appointment to talk with a professional, Christian therapist in Vancouver, Washington. They can give you the extra support you need to get you through the holidays and provide you with coping skills that you can carry into the new year.

Grief can rob you of joy, but through strategic planning and a little help from a trained professional, you can put the joy and sparkle back into your holiday season. Call our office at Vancouver Christian Counseling in Washington to schedule your first, risk-free appointment.