Advice for Newlyweds: I Love You, But Stop Stealing My Fries

Now that you’re married, you’re supposed to become one flesh, a team, a unit – partners in everything, right? While that sounds beautiful in theory, effortless sharing in every aspect of your life isn’t a reality.

When you first tie the knot, sharing a home, a bed, vacations, and decision-making sounds romantic. But if you’re like most couples, you’ve probably had a few moments in your married bliss that make you wonder if you really can share everything with this person for the rest of your life. Marriage is a beautiful union filled with love and laughter – but let’s be honest, it’s also full of tiny battles that no one warned you about.

One of the most common skirmishes in newlywed life is sneaky “theft” of an insignificant item such as a box of leftovers, the last of the body wash, or even the hot water. Yes, it may sound trivial, but those insignificant items may represent more than just a side dish or a small bit of soap.

They may symbolize a lack of boundaries or respect and the delicate dance of sharing your life with someone else. Or they may just reflect the natural adjustment to learning how to share more fully and compassionately.

Advice for Newlyweds on Emotional Attachments

Like it or not, we often develop an emotional attachment to things. As a child, you might have had a favorite stuffy, blanket or book that brought you comfort. As adults, we tend to develop attachments to things too, however, these attachments might not be as obvious as they were in childhood.

When someone gets married, they don’t automatically lose their attachment to their possessions or inanimate objects. Your favorite chair will still be your favorite chair after you sign the marriage certificate.

The problem comes when you are then challenged to separate from those objects that you’re emotionally attached to and that used to belong solely to you. During the transition from singlehood to being married, you may feel overwhelmed by the rapid rate at which you must blend your life with your spouse. Suddenly, the material objects you have always had access to and control over are now community property which can cause stress and put a strain on your relationship.

Personal Space and Boundaries

Feeling a little hot under the collar when you see your spouse using your favorite coffee mug in the morning is natural. But it doesn’t mean that you are passionate about mugs. Fry-stealing and mug borrowing represent a larger issue of respecting each other’s boundaries.

It’s important to set up boundaries with your personal space and belongings. But it’s also important to find the balance. The psychology behind stealing a bit of your spouse’s food is surprisingly rooted in deeper emotional and behavioral patterns.

When your spouse reaches for your fries instead of ordering their own, it often reflects a subconscious desire for connection and intimacy. Sharing food, personal items and items that are typically off-limits to other people can evoke feelings of closeness and trust. It’s a subtle way of saying, “We’re in this together,” without words.

Additionally, when your spouse takes a sip of your beverage rather than having their own can be linked to a playful sense of entitlement or testing boundaries. It’s a way for your spouse to gauge your reactions.

If you react negatively, your spouse may feel that you are not as comfortable with them as they are with you. If you respond positively, it may strengthen your bond through light-hearted interactions and spontaneity. Understanding that your spouse’s actions, which may initially come across as inconsiderate and disrespectful, may be their way of bonding with you.

Advice for Newlyweds: Communication is Key

When it comes to delicate matters, especially those that feel like they should be insignificant (but aren’t), a little humor goes a long way. Try bringing the subject up in a light-hearted way. Be playful but also honest in discussing how you felt disrespected in those moments. It’s important to acknowledge that you know these are minor issues but may represent a pattern or a larger issue in the relationship.

Your goal is to address these minor irritations to prevent larger conflicts down the road. It’s also wise to communicate to your spouse that they may not be intentionally trying to disrespect you but that you feel the need to establish boundaries to prevent further issues.

Setting clear boundaries will help maintain the relationship. But you must also master the art of compromise. Don’t be petty in your selfishness. Ordering matching coffee mugs or an extra basket of fries might prevent these small irritations from becoming full-fledged fights.

The Bigger Picture

When looking at the bigger picture of your life together, it’s important to love people over things. Love your spouse more than yourself (and your favorite blanket). In Philippians 2:3-4, we are told to “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”

This admonition is not meant to be a message only to the church in Philippi. The Apostle Paul’s message emphasizes the importance of practicing humility and selflessness in all our modern-day relationships. And isn’t your marriage the most important human relationship you have?

Advice for Newlyweds to Build Stronger Bonds

When you remove yourself from the immediate situation, you will likely realize that petty annoyances are not worth hurting the love of your life. Remember that small compromises can lead to greater empathy and understanding in your relationship and that celebrating each other’s quirks can help you find greater joy in the nuances of your marriage.

In other words, kindly and perhaps humorously create boundaries and explain your feelings and wishes to your spouse. But, and this is a big but, remember that your spouse is ultimately more important than material goods, even if it is the last piece of candy in the house.

Advice for Newlyweds: Seek Professional Help

While most newlywed conflicts can be solved with communication and compassionate compromise, sometimes the underlying issues run deeper than they seem on the surface.

If you find that the small irritations are snowballing into larger conflicts, it might be helpful to seek the guidance of a professional mental health and relationship expert. A marriage counselor can provide you both with tools and strategies to better understand each other’s needs, set healthy boundaries, and communicate more effectively.

Seeking help and advice for newlyweds doesn’t mean that your marriage is in trouble. On the contrary, it shows that you value your relationship enough to invest in its growth. An unbiased third party can often provide perspectives and solutions that you may not have considered. Your therapist can help you decide where to draw healthy, reasonable boundaries and when to compromise for the good of your marriage.

It’s not about the fries

Ultimately, marriage isn’t about tallying up stolen fries or keeping score over who used the last of the shampoo. It’s about learning to laugh through the small annoyances and finding grace in the everyday moments. These seemingly insignificant quirks like snatching a fry or borrowing your favorite mug, are chances to practice patience, kindness, and compromise.

Over time, you’ll discover that marriage isn’t a series of battles to be won but a life filled with shared experiences, where the little things – both sweet and frustrating – become the foundation of something much deeper.

The next time you catch your spouse eyeing your plate, remember that each small act is an opportunity to strengthen your connection, to choose love over frustration, and to build a marriage that thrives on mutual respect and a little bit of humor.

Small irritations like a stolen remote aren’t worth damaging the most important relationship in your life but they may open the door for greater understanding and communication.

Would you like to invest in your marriage by seeking the advice and guidance of a Christian therapist or marriage counselor? Contact our office today to make your first appointment.