ADHD and Contradictory Behavior

People who live with ADHD often act in unpredictable and contradictory ways. Contradictory behavior is a normal part of many disorders, but it can be frustrating to deal with, both for the ones with the disorder and those around them.

It helps to understand why they are behaving in certain ways. It reduces anxiety to know that it is common behavior for neurodiverse people. Sometimes things can be done to avoid the more frustrating aspects of contradictory behavior, but for the most part, it is something that people simply have to accept.

Contradictory Behavior of ADHD

One of the common frustrations people have when attempting to understand a neurological disorder like ADHD is that people with ADHD don’t follow a predictable pattern. Their actions often conflict with or contradict their statements.

For example, they might say that they hate it when friends ignore their text messages, while rarely replying to texts themselves. They might be excited to go out to an event, only to appear grumpy and withdrawn soon after arriving, due to being overstimulated.

It takes a lot of patience to help someone with ADHD understand, accept, and deal with their contradictory behaviors. Sometimes simply feeling “seen” and understood by others reduces anxiety. Other times, however, they might need to develop a coping strategy for the more frustrating behaviors. Here are some of the most common contradictory behaviors of people with ADHD:

They crave stimulation but get easily overstimulated

Those with ADHD have a nervous system that struggles to produce the feel-good hormone dopamine. This means that people with ADHD are on a constant search for entertainment, challenge, and stimulation that will boost their dopamine levels.

They might be passionate, excitable, and energetic for most of the day while anticipating an event, only to become short-tempered, quiet, or snappy from too much stimulation shortly after attending the event.

Most people with ADHD are surprised by their dips in energy or changes in mood when they happen. It’s hard to find a balance between stimulating activity and restorative downtime, but it helps to get restful downtime at some point every day, either before or after a fun activity.

They thrive when they have a balanced sleep routine but struggle to maintain one

Whether they are contending with late bedtimes, struggling to fall asleep, or raging against their morning alarms, most people with ADHD have a conflicted relationship with sleep. Some have never had a healthy sleep routine, and don’t know how life-changing it would be to develop one.

The foundation of any healthy sleep routine is discipline and consistency, which are two things many people with ADHD struggle with. When they experience the effects of good sleep, they will consider changing their routine to optimize their sleep hours.

They thrive in a neat environment but struggle to keep things tidy

In a similar vein to developing a sleep routine, most people with ADHD struggle with keeping a tidy environment, and yet thrive when they’re in one. Once again, keeping a neat house requires a fair amount of discipline and routine, and there is little dopamine involved in tidying and cleaning. However, once they have pushed through that barrier of boredom, they find that the grass truly is greener on the other side and that a tidy house greatly reduces their anxiety.

They hate structure but often cannot function without it

The average individual with ADHD bucks against repetition because they thrive on being surprised. When things become predictable or repetitive, they tend to check out mentally and emotionally and look for challenges and stimulation. Nothing is exciting about structure or routine, and a person with ADHD wouldn’t naturally look for either. However, when they find themselves in a structured environment, they often appreciate it, noting how it makes things easier.

They can learn complex new skills but neglect mundane tasks

Those with ADHD, like many neurodiverse people, have a fantastic capacity for new information. They love being challenged and pushed in new directions. The more complex the task is, the better. By contrast, they tend to find ordinary things like cooking, cleaning, or paperwork to be anticlimactic and dull.

They might benefit from being competitive about everyday tasks or having a friend with them to keep them company as they do them. It might also help to multitask, such as listening to podcasts and audiobooks while cooking dinner or putting away laundry.

They think clearly in a crisis but freak out over minor things

If you have ever had an individual with ADHD at work when everything goes wrong, or in a friend group facing a crisis, you will appreciate how calm and clear thinking they can be. Those who struggle with ADHD thrive during complex or stressful events and can streamline their thoughts without getting flustered.

On the other hand, they might have extreme anxiety over things like giving a presentation or meeting a new member of a friend group. These seemingly ordinary events can present unique challenges to people with ADHD that they will need help to overcome.

They ignore communication but feel anxiety when they are ignored

Communication can be a tricky thing for someone with a neurological disorder. The average individual with ADHD responds to text messages or written communications in their head, while never actually typing out and sending their responses. This is frustrating for their friends and family, but even more annoying is their insistence on your immediate response to their messages. Most people with ADHD are quite sensitive to rejection. They may feel anxious when it seems like someone is ignoring them.

They will freely share about their lives but feel self-conscious after

Most people with ADHD act in the moment and think about their actions afterward. They might have come across as open, warm, and engaging when you first met them, only to appear distant and standoffish the next time you see them.

In the time between, they probably replayed the conversations in their head and ultimately decided that they were too open or candid with you. This is not an issue with how you made them feel, but it has to do with how they feel they were perceived by you.

They remember past events but forget current details

An individual with ADHD might have a vivid memory of a birthday in their childhood but forget why they came into a room. Many people with ADHD have notoriously detailed memories of past events but will forget their friend’s birthday, work appointments, and promises unless they are reminded by alarms on their phones.

It might hurt to have an individual with ADHD forget that they had a date with you when they can remember their childhood phone number, but it is not personal.

They go on spending sprees only to feel buyer’s remorse

By nature, people with ADHD have poor impulse control. Nowhere is this more apparent than in managing their finances. Many people with ADHD get a thrill from going on a spending spree, only to have their mood tempered by extreme buyer’s remorse later.

They might resent someone warning them about their spending habits. Contrarily, they might delegate a friend or family member to hold them accountable for their money management. It might help for them to buy one treat a month, or a small treat weekly while saving up the majority of their earnings.

Getting Help

It’s not easy living with ADHD. It can be difficult to be a relative or a friend to someone with neurodiversity. Support groups are available for people navigating neurological disorders, but sometimes it helps to meet in a more private environment with a counselor.

There you can share and work through personal struggles, finding support for the present, and developing a plan for the future. If you would like to meet with a counselor, please contact our office today and we can connect you with one.