Valentine’s Day and Romance: A Christian Perspective

February 14th is the day to celebrate romance for some. For others, it is often called Singleness Awareness Day. On Valentine’s Day, the restaurants are full, red roses are in high demand and the price will reflect that fact. With all the hustle and bustle surrounding Valentine’s Day, do we ever slow down and take time to understand what romance is all about?

Let’s start with the saints.

Two saints are associated with Valentine’s Day. St. Valentine, the patron saint of lovers, and St Anthony the patron saint of lost things. In this case love.

St. Valentine lived in the third century in Rome. At a time when Christians were being persecuted by the government. As legend has it, Roman soldiers were not allowed to marry under Roman law.

Valentine, being a Christian and understanding the sanctity of marriage, officiated marriage anyway. As a result of his dedication to Christ and marriage, he was martyred and buried on the Via Flaminia on February 14th. Thus we have the feast of St. Valentine to commemorate his sacrifice.

St. Anthony is another saint who is associated with love. He was quite a force in his day. St Anthony came on the lover’s radar, due to his ability to reconcile lost lovers. I suppose that he would be considered the first couples therapist. In his home country of Portugal along with Spain and Brazil, he is known for finding love. This has earned St. Anthony his place in the Valentine’s Day traditions.

What is romance?

Let’s take a moment to look at romance, just so we can see how this concept plays into our Valentine’s traditions. Looking up the word in the Webster dictionary, and discounting the use of the word to describe art, literature, and music, we are left with some surprising descriptions.

“Romantic is: Imaginary, having no basis in fact; visionary, impractical in concept or plan; marked by the imaginative and emotional appeal of what is adventurous, remote, mysterious, and idealized.”

It seems that wherever I looked for a definition of romance or romantic, I was led to the same definition. If you are a person who is feeling that Valentine’s Day is full of unrealistic expectations, you are not alone.

It looks like the whole concept of romance is built on an imaginary unrealistic assumption. You may be asking yourself how this unrealistic romantic expectation crept into our lives. Instead of focusing on that cultural question, let’s shift our focus to the author of love, Jesus Christ.

What the Bible says about romance.

You aren’t going to find the word “romance” in the Bible, however, you will find tender interactions between lovers. Intimate is the word we use to describe these loving interactions. There are a few things that we can consider when looking at intimacy in scripture and how it applies to us. To understand this let’s introduce one more saint: Bernard of Clairvaux.

When you hear Saint Bernard and you envision a huge hairy dog with a cask hanging from his collar, you are not alone. Most people don’t know about this person, nor do they realize that he preached eighty-six sermons on The Song of Solomon. All eighty-six sermons reference the love between God and our soul.

God loves us and continues to pursue us. This relationship between God and our souls is the most intimate ever. This relationship is also expressed in the analogy between Christ and His Church in Ephesians chapter five.

A turning toward each other.

“Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth.” These are the first words in the Song of Solomon. The first picture we see in this intimate relationship is a kiss. To kiss on the mouth, a couple have to face each other. Turning toward one another is important. This isn’t just physical intimacy, this is also spiritual and emotional intimacy. This verse describes looking at each other.

Too often in relationships, the couple is good at looking forward in the same direction together. The checklists of life are long and never-ending. Life plans and goals become the purpose of the relationship rather than just plain enjoyment of each other. Intimacy begins when we stop what we are doing, stop caving into the tyranny of the urgent and just face each other.

A desire to be in each other’s presence.

“ You have captivated my heart with one glance of your eyes” Song of Solomon goes on to describe the captivating glance. With this glance the desire to be in each other’s presence results. The answer to the first question of the shorter Westminster Catechism is “

The chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.” Once again the checklists of life distract us so that enjoying each other, simply by being in each other’s presence is lost. When this focus is lost, intimacy becomes lost as well.

Emotional intimacy.

“My lover my friend.” As the Song of Solomon continues the development of intimacy by describing the tender friendship between lovers. Friendship is a gift of great value.

Proverbs 18:24 states “A man of many companions may come to a ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” As a couple moves through life it is important to remember the intimacy of friendship. This is an emotional intimacy. Friends provide a safe environment for each other where each person can share what is on their hearts and minds.

Spiritual intimacy.

The strongest analogy of spiritual intimacy is found in Ephesians 5:32 “This is a great mystery, but I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.” The main objective of marriage is simply living out the analogy of a relationship reflecting Christ and the church.

This definition of the marriage relationship has nothing to do with your life plan, or your children, or your retirement and vacations. Marriage is solely meant to be a reflection of Christ’s love for His bride.

In conclusion.

This year, before you make reservations at that busy restaurant and pay way too much money for those red roses, before you blindly accept all those cultural expectations even evangelical cultural expectations of Valentine’s Day, take a moment to reflect. You may conclude that romance is a cheap replacement for intimacy and that God is calling you to a deeper, richer relationship with your spouse and with Him than you could ever imagine.