4 Tools to Overcome Obstacles as a Broken Family

Being part of a broken family can look very different for each individual involved. Some are dealing with the sudden death of a parent, unfortunate divorce, unexpected diagnosis, or the aftermath of a major event like a house fire or bullying incident.

Other families are silently suffering in less obvious ways — like a child longing for their parent’s approval but never receiving it, unending financial struggles, the struggle of seeing a loved one ill, or a parent who is still struggling with their own abusive upbringing.

Perhaps one of these scenarios might resonate with you today:

• Benny and Anna have been married for ten years and have two young children. Benny and Anna have faced one financial struggle after another and live paycheck to paycheck. Their financial struggles continue to distance their marriage and they often lash out at their children when they ask for something. They dislike and try to ignore holidays and birthdays because they do not have the money to go above and beyond. They feel like they are at a breaking point in their marriage and do not know what to do next. They feel like they are failing as parents because they cannot give and do the things with their children that everyone else seems to be doing.
• Daisy is a twelve-year-old girl whose older sister recently committed suicide. Daisy is devasted, as she is trying to cope with these new emotions. She has nowhere to turn because her parents told her that it was embarrassing, and she could not tell anyone. Daisy is overcome with grief. She needs a safe place – a place to process her feelings and make sense of the hurt that she is feeling.
• Marie is a thirty-five-year-old who is married to her high school sweetheart and has an eight-year-old daughter. Marie’s husband was just in a terrible car accident that left him paralyzed from the waist down. Not only are they dealing with the emotional effects of the accident, but they are also dealing with his loss of income. Marie is unsure of how to navigate this new life, how to talk to her daughter about it, and how to minister to her struggling husband.

Sometimes brokenness begins with the abrupt stop to one’s plans or a disruption in your family’s comfort zone. When someone is in an accident or when bills continue to accrue and are not able to be paid on time, life can feel overwhelming. When family moves away, and a support system is suddenly gone – life can feel heavy and uncertain.

It was once said that “God will mend a broken heart if you give Him all the pieces.”

Today, I want you to rest on the truth that God has not abandoned you. There is hope on the horizon. Today, I want to invite you to look at the things in your life that feel broken. Write down the things that are bothering and wearing on you. Write down the things that are stealing your joy.

The first step is to accept and validate those feelings. The second step is to allow God to intervene so that these strongholds will not continue to tear you down. John 8:36 says, “So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.”

Tools for the Broken Family

It is important to realize that a broken family should not be compared or criticized, but rather supported and offered the tools necessary to deal with whatever obstacles they are facing.

Do not compare your story to someone else’s.

It can be easy to look at everything going on in the world and feel like your pain is not worth validating. You may be struggling financially or having a difficult season in your marriage, and you feel like that is nothing compared to another family’s cancer diagnosis. It is important to realize that God wants the absolute best for you – a joy that is beyond anything that words can describe.

You will face different seasons of life, and it is important to realize that whatever chapter you are on, it does not need to be compared to someone else’s. You can sympathize or empathize with someone else while also seeking healing or help for your own pain.

Find positive activities to combat anxiety during difficult seasons.

If your family is facing a difficult season of life, it can be all-to-easy for additional problems to occur because of negative coping patterns. If you struggled with trying to numb the pain with negative coping behaviors in the past, you might feel those feelings or urges resurface when life feels heavy. It is vital to find positive activities to combat anxiety during difficult seasons.

Try deep breathing exercises, find an accountability partner, start a new workout routine, and take time to spend quality time with your children. Do something simple like build a fort in the living room or have a family campout in the backyard. You do not have to try and escape life to look at things from a different perspective.

If you are one whose mind is constantly going, perhaps a productive project around the house would help put your mind at ease. Sometimes using your anxious energy productively makes a world of difference.

If things feel messy in your household, your children probably notice.

Sometimes it can be all too easy to think that our children do not understand that we are stressed or dealing with uncertainties. However, children are very intuitive. They might not always understand exactly what is going on, but they might sense when a family member is ill or when their parents are facing uncertain and stressful situations.

Try to spend quality time together and assure them that you are there for them. Talk about stressful situations if it is appropriate. For example, if a family member is ill, perhaps you can talk to them about that family member and make cards together.

This is a simple way to process whatever is going on and to do something positive to teach your children. While you may not be able to change a struggle your family is facing, trying to do positive things together that can make an impact will bring your family closer together.

If your family is facing hardship or a series of hardships, try starting a conversation with your children about their perception of things. This opens the conversation and allows your entire family to be vulnerable together, which will only strengthen your bond.

Simple conversation starters:

• What is one thing you love about our family?
• What is one thing we can work on as a family?
• What is one thing you wish we did more together?
• What is one thing you have learned lately?
• Is there anything bothering you lately that you wanted to tell us but weren’t sure how?
• Do you feel like we know what is going on in your life?
• If you could compare your life to a book, what book would it be and why?

Consider starting family meetings and family prayer time.

Families need to communicate, be vulnerable with one another, and allow conversations to be had and questions to be asked. A broken family might find it helpful to start family meetings, family game nights, and family prayer time. In each of these tasks, you can make it specific to your family personalities, but essentially, you are spending quality time together, starting conversations, having fun, and making memories.

You are allowing your children to feel safe and know that they can count on their parents, regardless of what is going on in the world around them. A family that prays together and talks about life’s struggles together allows the Holy Spirit to intervene in each of their hearts and bring them closer together.

If you are struggling financially, know that memories can be made without an impressive bank account. Children long for emotionally healthy parents who can invest time and energy into their hearts and lives. Attend church as a family. Attend their sporting events and cheer for them! Decorate cupcakes on a Wednesday with your children “just because.” Doing little things together will make a big impact on their emotional health, and you will find it positively affects yours, too.

“Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children.” – Chuck Swindoll

Invest in the banks of your children today by ensuring you are all emotionally healthy and have positive coping patterns. Our children do not need us to appear perfect, they need us to model authenticity, faith, finding hope in difficult times, and continuing to move forward no matter what life throws our way.

Christian Counseling for Broken Families

Perhaps your family feels broken today. Maybe you are feeling worn down by obstacles your broken family is facing – you are not alone. You do not have to be on this journey alone! Perhaps you are looking for coaching with positive coping skills, need help talking to your children about a family member’s diagnosis or another unfortunate event. Your family’s journey matters to us. Hope is here – you simply need to receive it.

John 14:27 reminds us, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”

Do not let your heart carry the weight of everything happening in the world. Do not allow the weight of uncertain medical bills, medical testing, or the thought of trying to appease everyone around you steal your family’s joy.

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. – Colossians 3:15